Obviously I know that superstition, or Mercury being in retrograde, or any number of other voo-dooey, mystical things have very little if anything to do with the fact that life can be a little bitch. She's just waiting there quietly ...biding her time until you are nice and happy and complacent. Then, out of nowhere...BAM! Here is a giant, steaming pile of shit for you to deal with! You're welcome!
Now, I've always been a bit of a "when life gives you lemons, make lemon-drop martinis" kind of a girl, but even my optimism has its limits.
I was recently blind-sided by some information I learned about the man I'm seeing. Was seeing. Haven't yet decided if I am going to continue seeing. Yes, the same man I so cock-eyed optimistically cooed and gushed about in my most recent post. Part of me wishes I could turn back time and slap the keyboard right out from underneath my fingers, as I clearly jinxed myself by making such grand statements about my unconditional love for him. Apparently, I do have some conditions.
As is my way, when life and everything I know to be true comes crashing down around me, I got in my car and drove 500 miles away from the problem, hoping to gain some clarity. It's amazing what 7 hours of driving, while intermittently crying, listening to bad country music and chain-smoking, can do for the soul. And God bless my friend at the other end of those miles, for listening, making sure I ate, plying me with alcohol, making me laugh and giving me a peaceful place to talk things out and try to heal.
Somehow, after all the emotions I experienced this week; after all the tears, and the screaming at the top of my lungs while driving down the highway at 85 mph, and the anger and the sadness, my brain and my heart still aren't ready to make a deal. This is brand-new territory for me. Usually, my decisions are pretty cut and dried. If this were any of my friends, I know exactly what I would tell them. But I just can't seem to take my own advice... not yet.
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