So what if he doesn't have his shots?

You know how when you're driving down the street and you see a stray dog and you think "Oh no! Poor little fella! I'd better pick him up!" Then before you know it, you've taken him home, fed him, given him a bath and a warm bed and become emotionally attached to him? Yeah, I do that with guys. It's something I've come to realize about myself over the years. I've even given it the name: "Lost Puppy Syndrome".

There is something about a vulnerable guy... I could conceivably make a living out of helping sad, lost, down-on-their-luck dudes who are fresh out of relationships, get back on their feet and back in the game. I think perhaps all my nurturing, motherly instincts need an outlet since I don't have babies, but that's something I'll discuss with a therapist in a few years. Honestly, I've always been good at taking care of people and I enjoy doing it, even if sometimes it is to my own personal detriment. I am a "fixer" and as such, I am drawn to "fixer-uppers". I spent 3 years trying to "fix" my first serious boyfriend: an alcoholic; workaholic; ego-maniac, only to learn he had no interest in being fixed. Did I learn my lesson? Of course not.

I spent 4 years after that trying to mold my next boyfriend into someone he wasn't. I got up at 4 a.m. and drove him to work in the winter when his car wouldn't run and spent countless hours on the phone with his creditors, cleaning up his past financial mistakes, only to realize that no amount of help was going to make a difference. Four years in and he was still making the same stupid decisions and mistakes he'd made when he was 25, only now they were affecting me.

Then there was the young guy... We had the kind of relationship that only makes sense if we were in a movie where one of us was about to die. We had absolutely nothing in common outside of the bedroom, but I didn't care. I often joked with my friends that I was pretty sure I was using him for sex and he was using me for a comfortable bed to sleep in. He was such a mess that I regularly wondered if I should stop sleeping with him and instead, legally adopt him. But we got along really well and made each other laugh and genuinely cared about each other and let's face it... Colorado nights can get pretty cold.

The problem with all of these relationships and ultimately the reason I'm not still in any of them, is because never once did I feel "taken care of". I know I am strong-willed and independent and I probably wouldn't even know how to let someone take care of me, but the point is, none of them were even capable of trying. So what does it say about me that I consistently choose partners who are ill-equipped to provide me with anything I truly need? I'd imagine that's another question for my future therapist to tackle when I finally get around to hiring her. For right now, though, blog-therapy is waaaay cheaper.