Just when I think I've got some things figured out about what makes them tick, how they perceive things, etc., I am once again thrown into a pile of nonsense and left utterly perplexed. For example, why on earth would a guy, who a good friend of mine is pseudo-dating, invite me out while she's out of town, then proceed to also invite another gal he is apparently dating and allow me to witness them getting more than a little cozy on the dance floor at the bar? Do guys understand girls as little as we understand them? Do they think we don't talk, nay, text each other immediately when things like this occur? The question of the day then becomes: 'Drunk', 'Stupid' or 'Wants to get caught'? It could be a game show.
Awhile back I had an experience where I busted a guy I had hooked up with a few times. I was under no illusion that I was the only person he was sleeping with, yet he did try to make with the sweet talk. When a mutual friend and I discovered one night that he had also hooked up with her during the same time frame and eluded to her that she was the first in a long time, she was shocked and appalled. I was neither, and I decided to call him on it to see what he would say. The next time he came over, I said-rather offhandedly- "just so you know, I know you slept with so-and-so. I don't necessarily care, but she might very well beat you bloody the next time she sees you." I mean, really. So guys, allow me to give you a few tips:
1.) If you are cheating on your girlfriend, she WILL find out. In fact, she probably already knows, she's just waiting to see how many more lies you will tell her until she catches you red-handed. It doesn't matter how "careful" or "stealthy" you think you're being. That girl you saw across the restaurant while dining with your mistress- the one you couldn't quite place- was probably your girlfriend's secretary from her last job and regardless of whether or not they've spoken in 5 years, she WILL end up friend-requesting your girlfriend on Facebook to ask when the two of you broke up, at which point your gf will respond with "we're still together, why do you ask?".... That's the way it goes down.
2.) We always know when you're lying. Sure, some girls go against their gut and rationalize things for awhile because they're in denial, but deep down we always know. Don't kid yourselves.
3.) Don't tell us what you think we want to hear. As always, I don't pretend to know what all girls want, but as for the select ones I know and love, we always choose honesty over bullshit. If you aren't that into us, then for hell's sake, don't waste our time! If you like us, but want to keep seeing other people too, for crying out loud, make sure we are aware of this so we can make an informed decision whether or not we want to keep seeing you! Don't be a pussy, just tell us what's up.
Keep in mind, I say all of this after having just left a meat-market of a bar where I spent an hour convincing a bunch of drunk firefighters that I am an ice-road trucker 9 months out of the year. Of course, if any of them had shown any promise, I certainly would've come clean...
