For some reason, people seem to find it strange that my ex and I still speak and are on good terms. He and I broke up over a year ago and although it was heart-breaking at the time, as most break-ups are, at this point I think it's become obvious that we get along better now than we ever did when we were together. I think it's because in hindsight, we should have never tried to be more than friends (possibly with benefits) in the first damn place. Our personalities are just way too different for us to have lasted. He still makes me laugh like crazy, though, and he is a genuinely good, kind-hearted person. Even though we're not together (and shouldn't be) I can't imagine him not being a part of my life. What I'm trying to get at here, is I don't understand couples that break up and get back together every other month or so. I have witnessed this over and over and it confounds me. Let's say you break up with someone because they're an alcoholic. They've been boozing it up every night, acting like an asshole, spending all their money at the bar and can't even get it up when they finally get home. You're sick of it. You kick them to the curb and yet a few weeks later, they come to you all doe-eyed and weepy with the "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me" and "I can change" schtick. So, what? You take them back because you're lonely, you miss them and you want to believe people can change. Well, people CAN change, but only if they are doing it for themselves and they truly want to. Oh, and it doesn't usually happen over the course of two weeks. When it's wrong, it's wrong and I believe that 9 times out of 10, people are fully aware that it's wrong, but don't want to admit it to themselves or the other person because the alternative is being alone. Well, maybe that's exactly what is needed. You might actually figure out what you want out of life! You might have fun and learn things about yourself, like what makes you happy! You might even end up not hating or resenting the other person! I fucking love being single at the moment and here is why:
1.) I can eat all the chunks of cookie dough out of the ice cream without anyone getting annoyed at me.
2.) I can sleep in whatever weird, spread-out, yoga-pose position I want to.
3.) I don't have to pretend to be interested in some sport/comic-book character/underground band that I could not possibly care less about.
4.) I can waste a perfectly good day watching 5 hours of Buffy on DVD without anybody busting my balls.
I am passionate about this because I know so many people (myself included) that go against their gut instinct whenever emotions or love are involved. I have definitely been guilty of talking myself into things, even though my gut was telling me it wasn't right. There were times I rationalized things and made excuses and tried to convince everyone around me that things were perfect in a vain attempt to simultaneously convince myself. I have also stayed in relationships much longer than I should have because I was scared of the alternative. I have since vowed never to lie to myself again and if that means I'm alone for awhile, so be it. Besides, I have some like-minded girlfriends and we have plans to kick it 'Golden Girls' style down in Florida in 30 years, so I'm set regardless.
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