I always feel like, somebody's watching me...

When you are single and dating somewhat regularly, it's inevitable that you are going to run into an ex or a one-night stand at some point. In my experience, the one-nighters are usually spotted and subsequently avoided, at the same bar/club where I drunkenly picked them up in the first place. They are easy to dodge because often their memory of my face is as hazy as mine is of theirs. It helps that I am a bit of a chameleon--I tend to change my hair color and length fairly often and switch back and forth between glasses and contacts. This secret camouflaging superpower has come in handy more than once. However, no matter how many disguises and diversion tactics you employ, sooner or later you will be caught off guard.

Last year when I was waiting tables at a particular restaurant, I approached a table of 2 people in the usual manner, telling them my name and asking what they'd like to drink to start off. It was then I got a good look at them and realized they were on a date. It was also then, I realized I was pretty sure I had dated this guy, briefly, the previous summer. Awkward. I wasn't 100% certain though and although he wasn't really making eye contact with me (a dead giveaway, I assumed) he wasn't being impolite either. It was a complete mystery to me until finally, I brought them their bill and thankfully he paid with a credit card. The name on the card was not a name I knew.

A few weeks ago, my girl and I went out dancing for the first time in months. I like to compare us to a couple of beautiful tulips--we are dormant during the cold, winter months, yet once springs arrives with it's warmer temperatures, we emerge refreshed, with renewed vigor, ready to throw on our sassy dresses and heels and hit the club once more. Unfortunately, we had to vacate not 1, but 2 different bars due to not 1, but 2 different Creepers whom I had unwittingly spoken to/danced with many months ago and who were now lurking nearby giving me the eye. I ask you, is this any way to live? I am considering trying the "Twin Operative"...The next time one of them attempts to talk to me, I will say:

"Whoa, stop right there. You think I am Jess, don't you? I get this a lot, I'm actually her twin sister Becca. Guys are always coming up to me thinking I'm my sister--she sort of 'gets around' if you know what I mean, ha ha. Oh, no, don't be embarrassed, it's an honest mistake! You take care now!"

This could be the perfect plan, except I probably told half these goofballs that my name was Becca (or Monica, or Phoebe, or Miranda or Pam... I derive my cache of pseudonyms from whatever re-runs I happen to be watching on Hulu at the moment.) In any case, I shouldn't have to avoid anyone! I am always completely honest with people in every situation (except about my name, of course). If I go out with a guy and there's no spark, I tell him "Look, you're nice but I'm not feeling it. Good luck out there, and would you like me to pay for my half of dinner?" When guys ask for my number at the club, I tell them "No. I don't want you to call me and I am certainly not going to call you. Please go find someone else to dry-hump on the dance floor."

I guess I will have to deal with the ramifications of my past questionable decision making for awhile. Thankfully, I'm sure after a certain amount of time, most will simply become faces in the crowd and vague memories.