As I've mentioned, I work in a restaurant. Restaurants, as a general rule, tend to employ a pretty transient portion of society. Hippies, felons and guys who are "taking a break from touring with their band", fill many a restaurant kitchen. The staff turnover tends to be high due to:
a.) People moving to another state/better restaurant.
b.) People getting arrested on drug charges/breaking parole.
c.) People being flat-out flaky and not showing up for their shift/showing up drunk and subsequently getting fired.
Last week, one of my co-workers (a cook) decided he was tired of living here, so he left a note and some cash for his roommate and hitch-hiked to Montana without any notice. My boss was understandably angry, but he couldn't possibly have been surprised. We're talking about a guy who rarely showered, thought he was a pirate and regularly slept under bridges and in parks when he was too drunk/tired to find a way home. He was a decent worker, but not exactly the model of reliability or trust, so the fact that he went thumbing off to another state, presumably to live in a tree and smoke pot all day, didn't shock me in the least. What it did do, was make me incredibly jealous.
There has always been a part of me, regardless of what my circumstances are at any given moment, that randomly fantasizes about taking off in the middle of the night without telling a soul where I am going. I have struggled with this for years; I am basically a walking paradox. There is one part of me (the responsible, common-sense loving Cancerian) that craves a home and all it's stability and creature comforts where I can establish roots and spend my time gardening and throwing dinner parties. Then there is the other part (the free-wheeling, devil-may-care adventurer) whose insatiable curiosity and wanderlust is so strong, it's practically crippling. I read a poem once called "The Double Life" that captured my plight perfectly. It spoke of "How very simple life would be, if only there were two of me...A restless me to drift and roam, a quiet me to stay at home...".
Whenever I visit my brother and his wife and see the great life they have cultivated for themselves, I find myself longing for something similar. He is 3 years younger than I, yet he has his shit waaaay more together than I do. He and his wife have "careers" and 401K plans; 2 beautiful little boys, and a dog. There is no white picket fence around their house, but I think that's only because their taste is slightly more modern. I like what they have together and witnessing it just drives home the realization that I am nowhere near where they are. I have a "job", 2 feline children and my 401K plan is to make it onto Jeopardy before I'm 40. What I do have, though, is the knowledge that because my life is simple and I'm not beholden to a husband or children, I have the freedom to go live in Spain for a year and work in a vineyard, or quit my job and back-pack across the country if I so choose. Having these options is liberating and I know no matter which part of me comes out on top, I will find a way to be happy with my choices just like I always have.
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