Even the best "laid" plans...

So, I recently got blindsided by a situation I thought was potentially harmless. It was my own fault, really, because I broke my own rule: Never try to have a casual, physical relationship with someone you actually care about. I know this. You can't involve emotions and expect things to not get complicated, yet that's exactly what I did. One of my best friends and I spent the entire month of June and most of July together. I had just returned from my month long, soul-searching road trip, was crashing at a friends' house and feeling somewhat lost and vulnerable. He had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and was feeling much the same way. Like attracts like, and we just sort of fell into each other... It was one of the best months of my life and his, according to him. We attempted numerous times, to talk about what was happening and what exactly we were doing, but seeing as how we are both commitment-phobic, emotionally-crippled Cancers who share a brain, we came to no real conclusions and figured we would just see what happened. Unfortunately, what happened is jealousy, territoriality and hurt feelings made themselves known. Another girl entered the picture; a girl who has taken over every aspect of my life single-white-female style, including both my jobs. When she decided to set her sights on my whatever-the-hell-he-is-to-me, I kind of lost it. I don't have violent thoughts about people often, yet I found myself wanting to rip her face off so I could sew it to her ass, then kick it. In her very slight defense, she was not privy to what was happening with him and I........at first. So, what's done is done. He is an attention-whore, and she is who is paying attention to him now. Meanwhile, I am left wondering why I chose to spend that much time and energy on something I knew would likely end up in confusion and some form of heartache. The best answer I can come up with is that it felt good, provided a temporary escape from my crazy, unsettled life of late, and re-enforced in my mind what it is I actually want. Or at the very least, what I don't want.