Forgive me for stating the obvious, but it's true. Breaking up sucks. It's difficult whether you've been dating someone for 5 days or 5 years, because in essence, what you are saying to them is "You lack something that I require." And often, what is lacking is something they already know about them self and having the person they care about present it to them and proceed to reject them as a suitable partner because of it, is awful.
In some cases, your needs are clear and obvious. In my 1st serious relationship, I stated to him "I need you to NOT stumble home drunkenly at 2:30 a.m. every night, take a piss in my garden and proceed to pass out open-mouthed and drooling on my brand new sofa." I felt this was a legitimate request. However, he could not abide, so out the door I went and I never looked back. I had slowly lost any respect I'd ever had for him, and with it, any love I'd ever felt.
But so much more often, the situation is a little fuzzier. Breaking things off when you still love and care for someone, yet you know in your heart they will never be the person you want them to be, or be able to provide you with what you need... that's when it's tricky. I've always believed that loving someone is the easy part. Dealing with their family crap/prior relationship baggage/day-to-day b.s. is the real challenge.
I know people can change. I also know they will only do so when they are damn good and ready, and not usually because someone tells them they have to. Changing fundamental things about yourself to attempt to make someone else happy, does nothing but breed resentment and, in my eyes, is more or less fulfilling an ultimatum: "Become the person I expect you to be, or it's over." Who wants to live that way?
Still, I am guilty of staying in relationships longer than I should have, simply for the comfort that comes from having someone around. Those who know me, know I enjoy my solitude and independence, yet there's something to be said for having someone to come home to and snuggle with on a cold night. It's also very easy to be seduced by the vision of yourself as seen through the eyes of someone who loves you. You say to yourself "This person thinks I hung the moon... how can I possibly hurt them?"
It's hard on the cats, too. Laugh it up, but you try to explain to 2 precious little furry beings why the tall, hairy, deep-voiced human that pets them all the time, is no longer around. Even if the relationship only lasted a few months, that's like, 4 1/2 years to a cat! I'm just saying, break-ups are rough on everyone.
I've often wondered if my expectations are too high. I'm curious what it would be like to be one of those people who meets someone and decides "This is it. I'm done with dating, I want a family, so whatever nonsense comes along with this person, I'm just going to accept it and power through for the greater good." I know people like this. I've watched them in action and it's intriguing. But for me, it sounds dangerously like I'd be changing and compromising my vision of the future for someone else and that, I resent.
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