Love the one you're with?

It has long been my contention that people can fall in love with almost anyone, given the right circumstances. I'm not speaking of the couples who meet, are attracted, realize they have various things in common, date for awhile and build a loving, lasting relationship together based on mutual respect. I'm talking about those who are tired of being alone, so they basically close their eyes and point. They decide (however subconsciously) to open themselves up to love with someone, not because that person is "right" but because they are "there". I've heard it explained with regard to men (though I think it just as easily applies to women) as the "Taxicab Theory". Men will go through life having fun, doing their thing, until one day they wake up and realize they want to settle down and get married, at which point they turn on their metaphorical "taxicab light" and whoever happens to hop in next, gets to be his wife. It's not a matter of who, but when. This depresses me to a point and would certainly serve to feed any feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem one might already have. If I let it, this theory could make me the most paranoid future-girlfriend of someone ever. I would constantly be questioning whether he thinks I'm his soul-mate and can't live without me, or if he just really wants some babies and I happen to have good genes, a fine set of birthin' hips and, oh yeah, I'm standing in front of him.

But should it even matter? After all, isn't timing everything? I've often pondered whether certain exes and I would have worked out if only we'd met 5 years earlier, or later, or under different circumstances. If there is an attraction and commonality that is capable of growing into a lasting situation where both parties are happy, in love, and secure, does it make a difference that you don't see each other as soul-mates?

Last winter, I read an entire book on this topic. I read 2 books, back to back, actually. One called: Be honest, you're just not that into him either. The other: Marry him: the case for settling for Mr. Good Enough. Obviously, I blatantly judged these books by their covers and thought surely I would enjoy the hell out of the former and loathe the latter. Much to my surprise, Be honest... was cute and good for a laugh, while Marry him... had me thinking for weeks and recommending it to all of my friends as a thought-provoking read. The author basically states that most woman have this ideal vision of "the perfect man". They even make lists of qualities this person would and would not have and they refuse to even consider dating someone who doesn't fit their mental profile. (I do this. Although my "vision" is somewhat amorphous, I definitely have a list.)

She points out:

a.) How unrealistic it is to think you're going to find someone you consider "perfect".

b.) How even if you found this "perfect-on-paper" person, there is no guarantee there would be any chemistry, or passion.

c.) Who the hell are you to demand this sort of perfection from someone else in the first place, since we are all flawed and have idiosyncrasies.

I recently found myself fantasizing about how wonderful it would be if I could cut and paste things from all the guys I've known/dated and make a perfect little voo-doo doll of awesomeness. I'm sure guys wish they could do the same. Although my ex-boyfriends probably all enjoyed my odd sense of humor and my sweet ass, I am certain more than one of them wouldn't have minded slapping a pair of DD's on me, or removing my ability to belch/fart. The point is, perfection doesn't exist and "settling" is not a negative thing if you can find someone who makes you happy...lists be damned.