Friday, August 12, 2011

The What Ifs will kill ya...

When summer began, I had 3 goals: Find a new apartment; Find a new car; Have an amazing summer fling. While the first 2 are in the process of coming to fruition, the 3rd continues to elude me. I am here to tell you, it is slim pickins. When you work as much as I do and see the same people, day in and day out, the chances of meeting some exotic stranger to take up with for a spell is easier said than done. Clearly I didn't work out the logistics of this when I set my goals. Add to that the sheer exhaustion I feel on my days off and the fact is, I haven't been actively searching.

My girls and I were sitting at the bar of our favorite watering hole a few weeks back, when we noticed a group of good-looking fellas sitting outside. I had my eye on one imparticular and as he passed by us on his way to the bathroom, smiles were exchanged as well as a coy, downward glance on my part. When he came back by a few minutes later, he stopped to chat and invited us to join him and his buddies out front. He was yummy and he was a cop (I have an inexplicable preoccupation with authority figures). After he walked away, my friend turned to me expectantly and said one word:
"Fling?"
I paused for a moment and pondered. Sure he was hot and he certainly seemed interested, but it would take a lot of energy to go out there and be charming and witty and try to figure out how to get him back to my place without seeming slutty... Quite honestly, all I really wanted to do was go home, eat my leftovers and watch Season 2 of Buffy, which is exactly what I did.

There are those who say:
"What if he was your soulmate and you chose cold pasta and vampire slaying over a chance at happiness?!"
'What ifs' and the people who suggest them, piss me off. I don't like alarmist tactics. If I stopped and wondered "What if?" every time I made a choice about something, I wouldn't have a moment's peace. I instead choose to follow my gut, and if Hot Cop had truly been the one for me, I'm certain my gut would have told me to man up and go make it happen.
"What if the man of your dreams is on Match.com, just waiting to meet you but you are too stubborn and romantic to join and post a profile?!" Interesting point, to which I counter:
"What if the next Charles Manson is on Match.com just waiting to whisk me off to his secluded cabin where he can chop me into pieces and make a collage out of my hair and toes?"
You can't live your life stressing about whether or not you should have gone here or done that. You have to do what feels right at the time and have faith that things will fall into place.
"What if you never find anyone to marry and have babies with?!?"
Well God forbid...That would be a tragedy, wouldn't it? Not everyone needs babies to be complete. I'm in no way knocking those who decide to procreate, in fact, the jury is still out on whether or not I want to try my hand at breeding, but regardless, I'm not going to cry myself to sleep at night worrying that it won't happen. So I end up a spinster, big deal. I'll get 17 more cats and buy a big scary house that kids are afraid to go trick-or-treating to--it'll be fine. I know I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, which is living and enjoying my life to the best of my ability and I feel okay about the constant uncertainty because how fun would life really be without the suspense?

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