WWGD?

When contemplating a new beau, most people get nervous wondering if their family and friends will accept them. Meeting the parents is always a stressful time and if there are protective siblings in the mix, that too can be sketchy. I wouldn't say I don't care what my immediate family thinks, though I do find myself continually choosing guys they dislike for one reason or another. I do, however, care a great deal whether or not my dead Grandma would feel the same way. For some reason, I have it in my head that her posthumous approval is worth far more than any living person's opinion. Maybe it's because she and my Grandpa (also dead) were happily married for 60+ years when they died. I don't know anyone living that has a track record like that.

I made my peace with my Grandma's death long ago, since I felt like we were able to say our goodbyes before she passed, yet I've always regretted not being older and more mature while she was alive so I could have tapped into her wisdom a bit more. She was an amazing woman. She and my Grandpa were both retired school teachers who lived simply and traveled whenever and wherever possible. She was an intelligent, funny and mild-mannered yet feisty old gal who wore pastel-colored pantsuits and fabulous jewelry, which she collected during her travels. I would not say she was judgmental, but she definitely had strong opinions about certain things. Nothing pissed her off more than seeing a professional sports player (particularly a baseball player) with long hair or a scruffy beard. "Oh! He's such a handsome young man, why in heaven's name is he hiding behind that silly beard and ponytail?" she would say. She only ever met one of my serious boyfriends, Robert, and liked him well enough, though she didn't care for his goatee or 8-inch long ponytail. I didn't care for his alcoholism and emotional abuse, so I dumped him shortly after, making it a moot point. I think she would have liked my most recent ex, if for no other reason than he was intelligent, caring and genuinely interested in people and their stories. My Grandma and Grandpa had a LOT of stories. More than anything, I think she would just want me to be happy. That's why I wish I could sit down with her just one more time and ask her the important questions:

What made you fall in love with Grandpa?

What qualities did he have that drew you to him?

Did he ever drive you crazy? If so, how did you deal with it?

How did you know he was "the one"?

There is a chance my hopes would be dashed by her answers since things were very different back in the 1930's when they got married. People wed for more practical reasons and weren't so self-important and spoiled as they are now, to demand "perfection" from a partner when they themselves are flawed. I wonder if finding "the one" was even a consideration back then, or if you just got to a certain age and married the first "good man" you came across.

I miss her a great deal, but I like to think I am keeping her spirit alive to some extent, by wearing her jewelry every day and quoting her "Kitty-isms" as my mom so reverently calls them. I also like being compared to her for various reasons, like when I cry at television commercials. It makes me feel that much closer to her and who knows, maybe someday she'll get a wild hair and decide to haunt me or come to me in a dream and I'll have the answers to my questions once and for all.