New Year's Resolution # 1...

My friends and I have often discussed how difficult it is to meet people as a grown-up, both friends and significant others. When you're young and in school, it's easy. There are classes, activities and parties at which to meet dozens of people in any given week. When you are older, you inevitably spend the majority of your time at work and as a result end up dating, or at the very least hooking-up with, your co-workers. Everyone knows this is a bad idea, but people get lonely. People get horny. People are very good at rationalizing bad ideas into good ones. I am an expert at this. I'll be wandering along unassumingly, with minimal drama, feeling pretty carefree, when all of a sudden I decide it would be a good idea to take a giant dump right in the middle of where I eat every day. I am not stupid or naive, yet for some reason, I never think this will be a big deal, even though historically it always results in some kind of massive drama, the least of which is awkwardness, the worst of which is angry exes finding out because some people can't keep their stupid mouths shut. My friend, who has ample experience in this realm, has told me I need to threaten them with destroying their manhood/reputation/existence if I expect to maintain any level of discretion. This is clearly where I've dropped the ball in the past. However, it's a new year and I am a huge fan of resolutions, new beginnings and clean slates. I am choosing to look at all of my questionable decisions from the past year as a large, blinking neon sign that says 'stop acting like you are 20 years old'. I've been 20 years old. It sucked. I don't know why I've been trying to relive it, especially when there are plenty of 32-year old mistakes I could be making instead. So, in 2011, no more dipping my pen in the company ink......wish me luck.