Wait, werewolves exist, right?...

I just returned from a late Thanksgiving evening showing of Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Go ahead, scoff. Poke fun. Judge me. I care not. We all have our weaknesses, one of mine just happens to be bad acting and sparkly vampires. I had options as to how I was going to spend my night... eating and drinking way too much with some friends; hitting up some Black Friday midnight door-buster sales; watching the guys I work with play Skyrim for 10 hours.

While these choices varied considerably in their appeal, all I really wanted after 8 hours of slinging Mimosas and turkey to the decidedly UN-thankful masses, was to be by myself. I needed mindless entertainment that was pleasing to my senses. Enter: Twilight.

Now, I recognize that I am old enough to have mothered the characters in these movies (if I had been a really slutty 14-year old), and so I am on neither 'Team Edward' nor 'Team Jacob'. Instead, I took it upon myself after the first movie, to form 'Team Charlie' (who is otherwise known as 'Bella's Dad' for those of you who aren't hip to the Twilight groove). Not only is he handsome in a rugged, small-town way, but he has a good job, a nice, modest house and he's the strong, shy, silent type.

Perhaps it's because I'm all hopped up on "liquefied butter product" and Reeses Pieces, but since we're already on the train to the land of make-believe, let's keep riding, shall we? If I married Charlie and became Bella's stepmother, I would be hard-pressed not to grab that girl and shake her repeatedly. "What is the matter with you?!" I would shout. "Why don't you have any self-esteem, or a personality?!" I would say. "Why don't you have any goals aside from becoming a vampire so you can spend eternity with your dumb boyfriend?" I simply refuse to believe my beloved Charlie could have raised such a spineless dolt.

On the other hand, I've been 18 and I've been in that kind of love and no amount of shaking or screaming would've convinced me I wasn't going to be with that person forever. So, I suppose I get it... I definitely understand the vampire thing. It occurred to me tonight while watching, that Edward is the age old quandary of 'youth and vigor' vs. 'age and experience', solved. He is youthful and vigorous on the outside, yet he has the experience and wisdom of having "lived" hundreds of years. It would be like hooking up with the hottie you dated in college, minus the fart jokes, video games and binge drinking. But, I digress... Obviously, vampires and fictitious, small-town cops aren't a viable dating option, so back into reality I leap to try to figure out what the hell I am doing.....