I wonder if she likes me???

The other night I was out with some friends, having a few beers after work. My good friend "S" was introduced to a fella whom she was instantly attracted to. All the surface details were intact: tall, big frame, tattooed, bald. That's her bag, so she decided to chat him up a bit and see where the night led. Unfortunately, after talking for just a few minutes, he did something so many guys tend to do. In what I can only assume was an attempt at humor toward a girl he assumed would laugh, he referred to herbal remedies as "magical-Lord-of-the-Rings-bullshit". Now, while I find this hysterical (even though I too, partake of herbal remedies for what ails me) she was instantly put off. To make matters worse, when we exited the bar at the end of the night, I watched the guy take the last cigarette out of his pack, crumple the pack in his hand and throw it directly on the ground in front of him. I thought my die-hard environmentalist friend's head was actually going to explode. An innocent remark that backfires is one thing, but blatant littering? Oh hell no. This is why my friend refuses to date. Call it 'the perils of acute self-awareness', but I feel her pain. She and I and many others I know, can usually tell within five minutes of meeting someone, whether or not it's worth our time to continue talking to them for another five. She's stellar at it, though she does have a few years on me. I usually know, but tend to give guys more of my time than I should, out of pity, curiosity or sheer boredom. What kills me, is guys that try to impress me with things I have no interest in. Granted, if I've just met you, it's somewhat understandable, but I'm pretty much an open book, so after a few hours, you should know your audience. I once had a guy pick me up for a date and after we got in his car and started driving, he made a reference to the car and somewhat arrogantly asked what I thought of it. "Oh." I asked, glancing uninterestedly around the interior, "What kind of car is this?", since I hadn't noticed and didn't really care. Apparently it was a Mercedes and apparently I was supposed to be impressed. Maybe that should have been his cue that I wasn't the gal for him, but alas he kept calling. A short list of things to say to me if you never want to see me naked:

"Do you want to see my collection of Samurai swords?"

"When I was a kid I used to shoot cats with bb guns."

"I talk to my mom at least 3 times a day."

"Wanna go burn one?"

Now, obviously these situations are relative. If I were out on a first or second date with someone who casually mentioned wanting to settle down and have babies, the only thing left in my chair would be a Jess-shaped silhouette of dust, left behind as I ran screaming down the street, whereas if my good friend "A" was on the same date, she'd be ordering another dirty martini and mentally doing period-math to figure out if she was ovulating. I'm certain there is someone out there for everyone, it's just a matter of trudging through a lot of wrong ones and almosts and maybes until you eventually find someone you truly adore...or can at least put up with for awhile.