What are your qualifications?

I have never been the type of gal that needs to be in a relationship in order to have sex. This is not to say that I run around having sex with random strangers either. I do, however, believe that if you find someone you have chemistry with, but know for a fact any actual "relationship" would be a disaster due to different lifestyles, ideas etc., why not develop a 'friends with benefits' situation? It's hurting no one as long as both parties agree on the terms. The problem is, it's kind of difficult to find a really good fuck buddy. It takes time, patience and research. I propose that there be a formal application process, complete with an extensive one-on-one interview, before any clothing is removed. Questions would vary greatly depending on who was conducting the interview, of course, but some of mine would include:

• Are you a diseased whore?
• Have you given women orgasms in the past?
• Are you sure?
• Are you prone to mistaking sexual intimacy with love?
• If you were to "work for this company", would you be willing to "travel downtown" regularly?
• How much weight can you lift and are you capable of tying a decent knot?
• May I contact your references?

Because honestly, the whole point of this type of situation is that it's no-fuss, no-muss. Who has time to beat around the bush? (Pun very much intended) I have more than one friend who has had relationships like these. One of them should never try. She inevitably falls in love and ends up getting hurt, and that is where the entire system breaks down. The other is so skilled in her man juggling, she should really write a book. The only problems that ever arise for her, as far as I can tell, is she gets bored with/tired of/annoyed by them eventually. I am still searching for a good one. Since I'm currently in a very non-relationship-ey state of mind, it's perplexing to deal with people who ask me out on dates. Take, for example, the bartender at work that I have a crush on. If he were to ask me out, I would have to respond with: "Sorry, no. See, I sort of like you, so if we went out and really hit it off, things would progress and I don't want progression. Conversely, if we went out and it went badly, then things would be weird between us at work. Perhaps we could just have sex? Hold on, I have an application in my purse..."